Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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