so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
