she was so not down for the gang bang
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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