I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
