i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
