dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
