im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize