Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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