now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
