my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
