booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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