Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
