I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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