Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
