I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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