there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
