hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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