You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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