dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Houston, we have a blender
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
