I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
