I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize