no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
