Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
