I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
