White coat. Heels.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
