what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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