haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
