He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
