i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
