sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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