come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
