Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
