just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
