you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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