Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
