hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
