So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
