I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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