Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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