he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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