this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
