I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
