foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize