you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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