And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
