he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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