I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize