Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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