What did we do last night that was yellow?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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