There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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