i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
