that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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