everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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