i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
