from now on my penis is your penis
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
