Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
