I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
