she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
