she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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