I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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