maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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