I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
