My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
