I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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