i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We have started to decorate penises.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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