When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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