Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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