addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The ass gains better be worth it
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