just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
