During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
