now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
