can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i will never coherently bang her
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm too high and old for this...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
