oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
