did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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