For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
