my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
