Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
