Your face is a jimmy john
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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