Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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