So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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