he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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