just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
