weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
