On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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