If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
