I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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