and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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