I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
