Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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