When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
