I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Michael Bay diarrhea
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
