She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
