he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
