yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
