Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
