U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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