pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Someone signed my nipple.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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