The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
