Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
