He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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