well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
