Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
