why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I need a burrito and a hug.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
