i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
