Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
In other news, I just burned my penis
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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