i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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