I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
