go do what you do best...puke behind churches
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
