the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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