she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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