mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
