The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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