We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
