I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
