either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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