"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize