i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
