I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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