i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
