I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
