I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
