I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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