I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
