Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
